Triage
by TheUSofCalzona
Summary: A t-shirt sparks a conversation between Owen and Arizona that reveals their painful past, and helps them both let go of some of that pain. Season 6 Story


A/N - Had this on my LJ and wanted to bring it over!

Cowritten with walking_weapon

* * *

"Hi Arizona." Owen greets the peds surgeon after using his key to get into the apartment. She's sitting on the couch alone, and by the looks of it she's the only one home. "Where's Cristina?" He asks as he walks into the kitchen.

"She grunted something about food and then stalked off." Arizona replies distractedly. "Um...is that...did you serve at Fort Mac?" She asks tentatively, pointing to Owen's shirt.

Owen looks down at his shirt before nodding. "Yeah about three years ago. I trained a few other trauma doctors before we started in Iraq." He answers as he grabs a beer and then joins her on the couch.

"Did you know Daniel Robbins?" She asks shakily.

"We served together." Owen nods, unable to look at Arizona. He really doesn't want to go down this road. It isn't a happy one.

"Really? Would you mind talking about it? I mean I know it's hard for you, but his birthday is in a few days and I just...I can't stop thinking about him." Arizona murmurs quietly. God she wishes Callie was here right now.

Owen knows this is a bad idea but he nods anyway. "Of course." He says before taking a long drink of his beer. "He was a good officer. Or at least as good as any jarhead can be." He laughs nervously, trying to keep this as light as possible.

"Ya I'm pretty sure he was born with white walls." Arizona chuckles.

"He was a good man who loved his job Arizona. He died with his brother's around him. I think that's what he would have wanted." Owen says, half his beer gone already.

"If he couldn't come home that's exactly what he would have wanted." Arizona sighs sadly. "Did you...I mean were you...When he died...were you on the team that went out?" She's not sure why she's asking, she's not sure she wants to know more about her brother's death other than the fact that he's not coming home, but she can't seem to keep the words in.

"I called his time of death." Owen nods softly, finishing off the second half of his beer. "Arizona I'm not sure you want to know what happened, anymore than that he died serving his country. I think it's best you don't know." He mutters. Better for both their sakes he thinks sadly.

"Owen I...I see his coffin in my sleep. Sometimes in the hanger, other times in the cemetery. I see it, but every time I try to get close to it, to look inside and see him one last time, I can't." She pauses and wipes away the tears that have suddenly sprung forth. "The tiny coffins of the patients I lose are bad enough, I need to not see my brother's coffin too. You're right, I probably don't want to know, but if there's a chance knowing will make his coffin go away..." She trails off, unable to say anything else due to the rising lump in her throat.

Owen gets up and grabs them both a beer. "You are going to need this Arizona." He says as he hands her the beer before opening his own. "We were stationed about an hour south of where they were attacked. They were ambushed and your brother was shot trying to get to a position where he could provide suppression fire. When we were brought in after the fire fight those who could be saved were taken back, and those who couldn't were made comfortable before we left." Owen tells her as calmly as he can.

"What do you mean left?" Arizona asks, a chill running down her spine.

"Some were hurt too badly for us to be able to get them back in time to treat them. We're trained to save the ones with the highest chances to live." Owen explains.

"Highest chances...Owen I thought you said you called his time of death. What aren't you telling me?" Arizona asks, gripping her beer tightly to keep her hands from shaking.

"I called his time of death when we went back to see if any of the ones we'd left behind had survived." Owen whispers, knowing that Arizona will never understand what it's like to be in a situation like that. "He was one of the three we left behind."

"Went back...You left him out there to die?" Arizona whimpers.

"Arizona we had three other men we were able to save. Your brother most likely wouldn't have made it back alive, and even if he did his chances of surviving surgery were almost zero. " Owen explains. He knew this was a bad idea.

"So when his buddies said that there just weren't enough doctors, what they meant was that there weren't enough who cared." Arizona snaps bitterly, downing half her beer in one swig.

"Arizona that's not how it was." Owen says pleadingly. "We were short on vehicles, almost everyone was already out on patrol. There were only three spots for men to be taken back. We did an assessment before we left. Your brother had a less than 30% chance of living."

"Well he deserved that 30%." Arizona cries, her voice rising in an attempt to vent some of her pain.

"I know you don't understand, but Danny wouldn't have wanted to take the spot away from another man who had a higher shot of pulling though." Owen says, putting his hand on Arizona's shoulder.

"Don't." Arizona snaps, jerking away from Owen's hand and standing up. "He was my brother. My father's only son. He had a girlfriend waiting at home that he wanted to make his wife. He deserved that 30%." She shouts, not caring who hears.

Owen closes his eyes at the pain in Arizona's voice, pain he feels responsible for "Arizona, I understand that you're upset. But you have never served in the military, you can't serve, you don't understand what happens in the field." He says, using a voice that he rarely uses when not controlling an ER. For a moment he forgets he isn't talking to an intern or resident, but to a fellow attending.

"Don't understand...I'm a doctor damn it. The things I see children go through would make your stomach turn. My father is Marine Colonel. All I've ever known is the military. I get the duty, honor, country thing so please, spare me." Arizona sneers.

Owen stands up, everything but this fight leaving his head. "Until you put on a uniform, ship out overseas, and get dropped into a war zone you know nothing." He snaps back at her. "You don't know what it's like to see your friends being blown up or to hold the bloody stump where your commanding officer's hand used to be. And you sure as hell don't know how much it rips you apart to have to leave a man behind. A man you were friends with, and who talked about the girl he left at home and about wanting a child with her. A man who showed you the ring he planned to give her and carried on a chain under his uniform in hopes that love would protect him, that love would bring him home to her." His body shaking as he looks down at Arizona. How dare she tell him what it was like over there. How dare she tell him she knew what serving was like.

Arizona pales under Owen's outburst, but doesn't flinch. She's the daughter of a marine, and authority issues or not, she knows how to stand her ground. "You're right, I don't know any of those things. But I would if I could, if it would bring my brother back I'd take knowing all of that and then some. He was my brother, my best friend, and all we got was a flag. My mother can barely look at me now. And my dad? The strong, unbendable rock of a man that used to be my father, can barely get out of bed without a stiff drink." On some level she understands Owen's pain, empathizes with it even, but this was her brother. She can't see past that.

Owen trembles for a moment before he does something he never thought he would do. He grabs Arizona and pulls her into a hug. "Danny didn't die because we left him behind. He died because a fifteen year old boy took his father's gun and shot him because he wanted to defend his home. Your brother died the way I wish I had." Owen whispers the last few words so softly he doesn't know if Arizona even heard them. He almost hopes she didn't.

Arizona stiffens at first in Owen's sudden embrace, before reacting and clinging to him tightly. She holds him and cries more tears than she's ever let herself cry before. She cries for her brother and all the men and women like him who will never come home. More than that though, she cries for the man in her arms, and those like him who are still breathing but may never really come home.

Owen doesn't cry, but he clings to Arizona just as tightly and lets out a lot of the pain he's been holding in for a long time. He can't let himself go like this with Cristina or even Teddy, but something about Arizona makes him feel able to shed the pain. "I'm sorry I didn't save him. I'm sorry that he had to die Arizona. He loved you so much though. He would brag about his big sister to everyone." He mutters, holding her like she was a lifeline in a storm.

"I'm sorry too. I shouldn't have said what I did. I know you would have done everything you could have." Arizona whispers.

Owen pulls back without a word and goes into Cristina's room for a moment before coming back with a chain. "This was Danny's. He told me if he was ever killed to take it off of him and try to give it back to you." He says as he holds out the chain, two rings falling to the end and clanking softly together.

Arizona gasps as she recognizes her great grandmother's and great grandfather's wedding bands on the chain. "Thank you." She whispers, gingerly accepting the chain and rings. She doesn't bother asking why he hasn't given this to her before. Given what he just told her the answer is painfully obvious.

Owen can only nod in response, thankful that Arizona isn't asking any questions about why he's had the rings for so long. "Who do you have in the Boston and Phillies game?" He mutters as he sits back down, trying to change the subject.

"Well Danny always rooted for Boston so I have to stick with them." Arizona replies with a weak smile, sitting down beside him.

A few minutes later Callie walks though the door, smiling when she sees that her girlfriend came to her apartment when she got off work. "Hey baby." She says, kissing Arizona's check. "Nice rings where, did you get them?" She asks when she notices the rings in Arizona's hand.

"I...uh..." Arizona stutters, glancing at Owen before quickly getting up and going into their bedroom.

"Hi. Bye." Callie mutters in Owen's direction before going after her girlfriend. "What's wrong?" She asks, shutting the door behind her.

"Just been a long day that's all." Arizona sighs, quickly wiping a few fresh tears away in hopes Callie won't notice how much she's been crying.

"Why do you have tear stains all over your face?" Callie asks in concern, wrapping her arms around Arizona from behind and putting her head on the other woman's shoulder.

"Because I've been crying." Arizona sniffs, trying to steel herself enough to answer the question she knows is coming.

"Why?" Callie whispers, nuzzling Arizona's neck to try to comfort her.

"Danny." Arizona whispers, snuggling deeper into Callie's arms. If she could just soak up how safe she feels in her girlfriend's arms she might be able to survive telling her the rest.

Callie moves so she's facing Arizona, looking to look at her face to gage what she's feeling. "Do you want to lay down before we talk about this?" She asks, tucking some of Arizona's golden hair behind her ear.

Biting her lip Arizona nods slightly and lets Callie tuck her under the covers and climb in behind her. The second she feels Callie's body press against hers she sighs, instantly feeling a tiny bit more calm.

"What happened tonight and what does Owen have to do with it?" Callie asks Arizona, her body flush with her lover's.

"He had a Fort Mac shirt on so I asked him if he served with my brother." Arizona sighs. "He did, so I asked him if he'd tell me about him. He said he was a good man but he wouldn't really say much else."

As Arizona spoke Callie stroked her stomach, rubbing under her shirt just a little bit. She knew that it was the easiest way to keep Arizona somewhat calm. She nuzzled her neck, hoping she'd go on.

"I kept pressing though, he said neither of us would want to hear what he had to say but...I see his coffin. In my dreams I see Danny's coffin but I can't see him. I thought that if I knew more about how he died it might help, maybe give me some closure." Arizona pauses, choking up.

Callie pulls Arizona back against her a little more. "You don't have to tell me. Please baby, don't do anything that hurts." She whispered into her love's ear. "I have you and I won't let anything happen."

"No, I need to do this." Arizona breathes shakily, fingering her grandparents rings still clutched tightly in her hand. "Owen was there close to when my brother died, he called his time of death actually. He was with the team that went in after the attack that killed my brother to do triage. Danny was hit bad and they could only bring three guys back so...they left him...there." Arizona forces out before she breaks down again.

Callie's heart stops when Arizona tells her that Owen left Danny to die. "Oh Arizona." She puts her face into Arizona's neck, holding her as tightly as she can without crushing her. "I am so sorry." She whispers, feeling anger and pity towards Owen right now. "God I am so sorry." She says over and over, not knowing what else to say.

Arizona lets herself cry some more as Callie holds her, beyond grateful that she has someone so amazing. "It's triage, it's what you do. I know that but...I was so hurt and angry when he told me...I, I said some things I shouldn't have. We yelled and then we hugged and cried." Arizona adds eventually.

"He yelled at you?" Callie asked, her grip tightening on Arizona little. "I am going to break his nose for that." She mutters to herself. No one yells at her girlfriend, no one.

"Callie don't. I said some really hurtful stuff that wasn't fair. He's already hurting enough." Arizona says pleadingly, knowing full well that Callie's threat isn't an idle one.

Callie nods slowly. "He meant a lot to your family didn't he? I mean I know he was your brother and their son, but you four were really close weren't you?" She asks softly.

"He was my best friend." Arizona sighs. "He was so protective even though he was younger than me. When I came out he stood by me better than I ever could have hoped for. I'm pretty sure he got in a few fights over it too." She chuckles.

"I'm sorry you lost him. I'd trade him and Aria out if I could." She says as she strokes Arizona's cheek softly, smiling a little bit. "She's a pain in the ass."

"Don't say that Calliope. She's family. Whatever her flaws, she's family, and you never know when the universe is going to mess with that." Arizona says forcefully as she rolls over to face her lover.

"You're my family now too you know. You are a part of who I am." Callie whispers very softly, wanting to make Arizona understand that no matter what, in the end they would work out.

"You're my family too." Arizona whispers, lifting Callie's hand and kissing it gently.

Callie smiles, leaning in to kiss all of Arizona's tear marks away. "How about I go order a pizza and we can watch Pretty Woman and snuggle?" She asks with a smile.

"I love you." Arizona sighs, dipping her head and kissing Callie deeply. "You go order the pizza. I...I need to talk to Owen first."

"I think the menu is at Mark's." Callie says, knowing there's one in the kitchen, but wanting to give Owen and her girlfriend a moment alone.

"Thank you." Arizona smiles softly, squeezing Callie's hand before she leaves. She waits until she hears the door close before walking over to the dresser. Opening the drawer that Callie cleared out for her, she takes one last look at her great grandparent's rings before tucking them in the back of the drawer, safe until she needs them. Taking a deep breathe she heads into the living room.

"Hi." Owen says when Arizona walks out, clearly waiting for an object to hit him in the head.

"Hi. I come in peace, I promise." Arizona says as she raises her hands in a classic surrender gesture. "I just...I wanted to thank you for telling me what you did. And to apologize again for what I said." Arizona sighs as she walks over and places a hand on Owen's shoulder. "Mostly though I wanted to say that I'm glad you came home. I'm glad you didn't die over there like my brother."

Owen quickly stands up and hugs Arizona tightly. "If you ever wanna grab a beer sometime and talk about Danny or the war or anything else. I would be happy to." He whispers, blushing just a little bit.

"Thank you. The same goes for you. I know you have Teddy and Cristina but...if you ever need someone I'm here." Arizona offers, popping a dimpled smile at the obviously embarrassed redhead.

"Teddy and I can't really talk about it together." He mutters, shrugging. "And Cristina doesn't like to talk about it because she doesn't understand the culture."

"Well, like I said, I'm here." Arizona repeats, squeezing Owen's shoulder for emphasis. Owen nods, hugging her once more.

"Danny would like Callie." Owen whispers in her ear before pulling back. "Just in case you're doubting it in your mind."

"I wasn't so much doubting as wondering, but thanks." Arizona says, blushing slightly. She's about to say more but just then Callie walks slowly back into the apartment.

"Pizza should be here in twenty. Do you want to go start the movie?" Callie asks hesitantly, not sure what she just walked into, but unable to wait any longer.

Owen smiles at Callie before going into Cristina's bedroom. Casting one last glance at Arizona, he nods slightly before closing the door.

Taking a deep breath Arizona closes her eyes before slowly breathing out, taking a few seconds to take stock after the intensity of the last few hours.

Callie walks over to Arizona and just wraps her arms around her. "He's up there looking down on you, telling you to get in your bedroom and get naked with your girlfriend." Callie murmurs, falling back on humor as her strongest tool for dealing with the pain she sees in her lover's eyes.

"Ew, Calliope!" Arizona admonishes, unable to keep the smile off her face.

Callie giggles, for the first time in her life, really giggles.

"You are such a girl." Arizona huffs mockingly.

"Good thing too. You being a lesbian and all." Callie replies with a teasing grin.

Arizona just smiles and shakes her head at her girlfriend's antics. She still feels an indescribable pain haunting her and waiting to crush her, and it's probably going to be a rough night, but for these few minutes it feels so good just to laugh.


End file.
